Halloween is so goddam fun.

Halloween is so goddam fun. It just is. I get inspired.

Every year my friend Alison and I do a joint costume, which is obviously adorable. Last year, we were "duelling pianos," complete with little plastic swords from CVS. The year before, we were "Twin Peaks," which in my opinion is still the gold standard of joint Halloween costumes. "The Blind Leading the Blind" was our debut effort. Every year, we have to wait for inspiration to strike. You can't force it. And then, suddenly, there it is! BAM! You're driving down H Street and you see an undersold condo and you think, "I could be an undersold condo!" And then you think, "And Alison could be the stadium and we could be Southwest DC! And we could do the whole thing in like 2 hours with posterboard and Sharpies! I should teach a class on this shit!"

Unfortunately, I had trouble articulating my vision to my partner. She thought I was trying to make some sort of political statement about gentrification. I stand by the undersold condo costume, but the key to a successful joint costume is leveraging the jointness, and the idea en totem was not quite there yet. Besides, if Alison saw a political statement, other people might too. We took enough crap for "The Blind Leading the Blind."

The last 3 years have been my ideas, so when Alison said, with gleaming eyes, "I wanna be bacon," I immediately acquiesced. Alison warned that no one would have to "figure out" our costume this year. I assured her that I was 100 percent on board. 2 strips of bacon walking down the street is beautiful in its simplicity. Achieving said effect is not. I don't want to give too much away here, but I will say that preparation required a late-night trip to Joann's Fabric in Greenbelt, 18 yards of felt, 8 long wooden dowels, 2 bags of white acrylic fabric, and a troll-like woman named Daria.

Halloween! They should just call it "Ellie-ween." An entire holiday based on dressing up, candy, and parties? And being the center of attention is the goal? Come on. It is The Only Child's time to shine.